Some alone time... & an accident...

This post is unwarranted for...

Pardon any spelling mistakes, grammar or any other errors your eagle-eye scopes & finds in this post...
I'm just writing coz I'm buggered off...
& yes... This post could otherwise translate 'A day in the life of the Ugly Fat Guy'...
(Minus the accident of course)

I spent quality time today... With myself!!
For those people who can't stay alone and need someone beside them 24x7, I really REALLY pity you...

The Pamper:

I woke up ridiculously late after dozing for atleast 10 hours...

Made myself some lovely breakfast - Omelette de Fromage (which translates to 'Cheese Omelette') & toast with coffee...

Figured out I should finish up with the formalities in college that I'd been putting off for a mighty long time (read at least TWO months)...

Cleaned my bike (my precioussss), donned my new shoes (I LOVE them!! :D) & took off...

The 'Bulb':

I reached a barren college with not even a single car in the car park... Even during days with the worst attendance I'd find 2 cars at the least...

"College Leave", the 'assholic' security guard tells me... (Damn these religious holidays!)
(Arvind's dictionary - assholic: an asshole under the influence of alcohol)
Seeing I have no more purpose to stay there he starts shoo-ing me away... I take a look around & there seems to be some road laying work going on in college...
Finally, they seem to putting the 60G fee they rip off from each student to SOME productive use...

Normally, I'd be fuming & I was... At that bastard 'friend' of mine who told me to get all my work done in time or else blah... blah...
"You are NOT my mother!!" (Not that I'd listen to her either...)

But I was generally in good spirits because the roads were almost empty as everyone chose to nap all afternoon. Moreover, it was one of those rare afternoons where the weather was pleasant & it was pretty cool with the sun safely tucked away behind the clouds...

The Bliss:

I decided to go right past my house in Adyar to 'Baywatch' on Bessie Beach... I wanted to make the most of my day out...

I plonked myself on one of the chairs there & after ordering a BBQ burger with No veggies & extra BBQ sauce (drool away Suchi... :P) I, once again looked up at the wallpaper which was nothing but a collage of various photographs of people who visit Baywatch... I recognize barely 2% of the people on the pictures... I don't know how they made their way to the wall of fame when I rarely (or never) have seen them there...
I happened to notice a couple of pretty girls too... That too in the afternoon! Yaay! My day was made... :D
Pretty soon, I'd wiped the wax-paper clean of all traces of the burger... Sigh... It's heavenly. Definitely the burger haven of Chennai!
I strolled back to my bike very content... My stomach seemed to think so too...

& I felt this sudden urge to go on a really long ride...

I checked the amount of fuel & to my horror it was already running on reserve...

I finally ended up going on a long winding ride on ECR to VGP & back...

I touched 110kmph & well... There are NO words to tell you how that feels...
It's just mind-numbing as everything in front of you becomes blurred except for the steadily rising needle in the speedo...

The Irony:

On my way back home, I noticed the Bajaj service centre was open... Apparently they aren't staunch followers of religious tradition... I could jump for joy! My bike service was overdue by at least a month now... Primarily because I hadn't finished the required number of kilometres & secondly, because I was a tad too lazy...

I walked in & booked the service time for tomorrow & I was immensely happy that I'd managed to do so many things that day...
& right after that, barely had I gone 500 metres past the service station when my day turned really REALLY sour...

The Accident:

It was a white Maruti Zen...

I was riding at just over 40 kmph...

He looked left, left & then left again... & without as much as glancing to the right, decided to take off past the intersection...

Right in my path...
Even after I honked, blinked my lights & I noticed another car waiting patiently for me to pass...

I jammed the brakes...

I felt the rear wheel lift up for a brief moment as I'd locked the front discs & after that, we pretty much went skidding sideways...

I didn't want to let go of the bike... I just didn't... But my presence of mind had other things planned...
At the very last moment I propelled myself out of the seat & I watched the bike slam sideways onto the car door... Just a second later, I followed suit & knocked my left shoulder on the car really hard...

In less than a second, a guy was wheeling my bike to the side of the road & someone was attempting to lift me up & that's when I felt it...

The rage...
Everything I'd kept bottled up for a long time just wanted to escape from within...

The Rage:

I got up unaided...
Took my helmet of my head, threw it on the road...
Lunged towards the open driver's window my fist balled tight...
Right when two guys caught me & stopped me from landing a hard one on that apologetic middle aged man in the driver's seat...

It took 5 minutes for me to stop to find my breath while I cursed him...
I think it's the first time I've used words such as f**k, bas***d, assh**e & motherf**ker on someone almost twice my age...

& I picked my helmet back up and walked back to my bike...
It's time for that thorough inspection...

THREE ugly f**kin scratches...

I almost feel like I've three deep scratches on my arm... The scars to remain forever & it should always hurt...
Thankfully, I have a servicing schedule tomorrow & I could ask him to check out for other problems my bike might have because of the collision...

I think there's something wrong with my thumb... & my right leg...
I guess I'll just have to wait & see which parts of my body are going to ring in dull shades of blue/purple...
(Luckily I jumped off the bike, or I'd have been pinned between the bike & the car and well... I might have broken a LOT of things in the least!! Thank God for relfex...)

Sigh...
This post is just plain sucky... But I'm going to post it anyway...
I don't care if you read it or not...
I'm just in one of the worst moods I've ever been in...

& Yes... I've always ridden safely & to think this is the FIRST accident I've had on my bike in a year is something a lot of ppl might acclaim in wonder... NO!! I'm NOT happy...

Now, do whatsoever you want... I just hope I feel like blogging sometime in the near future!!

Cheers! (Nothing to cheer about though...)

Change...

Morning arrives in full glory,
Mercilessly tearing the sky.
Whence arises a different story,
A chapter of his subdued life.

Treaded paths are now but a wisp,
Distant passions forgotten.
Previous pages burnt to a crisp,
A fresh start he has gotten.

Faces of recognition are fraught,
With the fading memory.
Emptiness cleared by a draught,
Enclosing his new territory.

Is nervous about the life dawned,
To potray a new guise.
Telling himself he isn't fond,
Of letting go his old ties.

Apprehensive he looks at himself,
.. A few minutes after, he looks around,
He was smiling through the mirror,
& Now He's Gone.....

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23-C? 23-M? 29-K? WTF do I take?? - A guide to travelling by public buses in Chennai...

As the title clearly suggests, I'm going to use my vast experience and list interesting travel tips just so that your first bus journey in Chennai doesn't become your last... :P

Listed below are sequenced tips on how to deal with the ordeal in chronological order...

Travel Smart!

1. Before boarding any PTC bus that comes your way, just make sure there are not more than 200 people inside. If there are, rally up a few jobless college students on the road to clamber aboard the roof & sing and dance all the way to the nearest Police Station.

2. If you are blessed and all luck is on your side, you will probably live near a bus terminus. In which case, take all the time you need to inspect the bus thoroughly inside before taking enough time to choose where you'd like to sit and wait till the bus driver comes after half an hour. In this time, two other buses leaving for the same destination would've departed leaving you cursing the guy who told you 'this' bus would be the next to leave.

3. While you stand in the bus stand, tired, sweaty and eyeing every single completely empty bus passing by with apprehension, DO NOT contemplate taking it even though you might land up in another part of the city. Wait for the bus you're supposed to take however dirty, dangerous or packed it might be. At least you'll be sure of heading home.

4. At the bus stand, try amusing yourself as you battle the sweltering sun & beggars. If anyone comes up to you with a helpless look on their face and asks you which bus to take to get to some place you hadn't even heard exists in the city, just remember... To him, you are God! Answer will full confidence, the three different buses to switch along the way and why he should rather consider taking an auto.
Also, try giving creative advice such as, "Watch out for the conductor on 23-C. He is very short-tempered" and "Oh! 5-B? That's a fantastic bus. I know because my cousin is a pickpocket on that bus."

5. If you are already partially deaf or wish to be so, you could sit near the bus driver and try involving him in a conversation about the traffic nowadays. And exclaim in horror every time a motorist or cyclist tries dodging past the bus. Surely enough, the bus driver would holler at that jerk through his permanently open window just to keep you in good spirits. In reality, they're truly nice people.

6. Never EVER clamber aboard a bus carrying just a 500 rupee note and wave it in the conductor's face. He would request the driver to stop the bus and ask you to get the fuck out. Wise decisions to take in case you are stuck with nothing but a 500 rupee note would be;
- Travel ticketless. Everybody does it at some point of time. Some more than others though.
- If you swear by righteousness and never disobey the law, try and beg for petty change at the bus stop. Just remember that your pleas of 'If you give me your address, I'll send you back your Re.1' sound incredibly stupid.

7. Always keep in mind. Pretty girls who travel in buses are nothing but a figment of your imagination and the next time anybody tells you he saw a hot chick on a bus, you'd know for sure he was bluffing. If somebody up there really loves you & you DO sight a pretty girl on the bus, just keep in mind that you'd never see her on a bus again.

8. Travelling by bus can be very boring at times. Always be wary of the contents in your pockets like your wallet, phone, mp3 player and the likes. If you are wearing cargos with a gazillion pockets, heaven help you! In case you are very bored & you look at that old man constantly staring at you like you stepped right out of a space craft, look him in the eye & motion him to stay absolutely still as you attempt to quietly open the bag of the person in front of you. (who is invariably your friend... But like the old fool knows!)
Watch as the old geezer's eyes pop wide after a while as you casually talk to your friend who you've known for a long time.

9. If at any point of time the bus starts lurching back & forth, don't panic. The driver is just attempting once again to shift gears without bothering to use the clutch. And in case, you hear a loud groan from the front which might sound like a camel being castrated, that's just the friendly clutch plate grinding as the driver keeps pulling at the weird knobbly gear shift. Notice everyone heave a sigh of relief as the bus slowly continues moving.

10. The best seats are at the very front, alongside the bus driver where you can chance upon everybody running helter-skelter to get out of the way of the big bumbling bus. This option is to be exercised only by those who don't mind going partially deaf, as the engine which is located right in the vicinity, sounds like an aeroplane droning right in your ear... Like hundreds of mosquitoes have chosen to sing their latest hits on a megaphone. And pardon me for I can't get more descriptive than that...

11. You probably haven't experienced half the thrill of travelling by a bus if you haven't ever stood on the footboard of a PTC bus. Risking your life is totally worth it, as most people I know would rather choose death, than be stuffed alongside a man who probably hasn't had a bath for eons or is someone who bathed in cheap whisky. This pretty much summarizes the kind of men who travel by government buses. Although the breeze feels like an elixir of life, at times boredom gets to you easily and there are ways to amuse yourself.
- At every stop, alight and keep sneering at the kid next to you who also is travelling by footboard. Give him challenging looks when the bus starts moving again just to let him know that he has competition for 'The Footboard Traveller of the Year' award.
- The best place is to be as forward as possible in that tiny space provided for people to climb aboard the bus. This could at times lead you to get very territorial and anybody who chooses to step in your space is punishable under the 'Footboard Travel Laws' which are more of an unspoken agreement rather than anything else.
- When you are already settled on part of the footboard while someone is running as fast as the bus hoping to clamber aboard, give him space enough to get a toe in. Atleast then, he won't complain that you didn't move at all. Not that the dead men tell tales... Lol.
If you particularly are in a foul mood because somebody was a real bitch to you that day, make him run alongside and look at the contours on his face switch rapidly in quick succession as he sweats, struggles and strains to catch up with the bus only to find there is absolutely no space to sneak a foot in. Don't let compassion overcome you at the very last minute!!

12. If you are a feminist or universally hate all men, please move on to tip number 13.

For the rest, I'm a member of the 'Union Against Women Empowerment on Buses', which deals with battling rights in buses to provide equal rights to both women and men. We are not complaining against the reservation of 'women only' seats in buses. Such thoughtful ideas are well appreciated. We are entirely against the women who'd choose to seat themselves comfortably in the side not specifically demarcated for women while there are plenty of empty seats in the women zone.
Moreover, we also admonish haughty women who raise a ruckus and create a scene every time the bus runs into a bump and as much as a guy's shirt touches their delicate skin. At times, I almost feel sorry for the men, because no man even in an inebriated state would remotely wish to rub shoulders with that scary looking woman. Women of these sorts in turn believe they've just been awarded modelling contracts from Elle and it is entirely blasphemous that a 'normal' man has touched them.
My suggestion is that they wear bubble-wrap the next time they wish to take a bus. Or even better... DON'T take a bus!

13. If you've finally gotten a seat after making your way through baskets of smelly fish, stinky armpits, unwashed & sweaty hands and hard-wood elbows, do not attempt to get up the moment you sight a feeble old man somewhere on the bus. Wait for someone else to do so. In case however, if the old man walks up to your seat and stands there giving you a forlorn, tired look, curse him all you want under your breath, but make sure you give him your seat.

14. While you are among the mighty chosen ones who've gotten seats, just keep in mind that sometimes, people who are standing, need use of both their arms to balance on the bus and hence will drop whatever they carry in your arms. As personal experience suggests, if you ever do chance upon a college student's notebook, just skip randomly through the pages. You are bound to come across;
- Very shoddy and gay sounding tamil poetry that might just make headway as lyrics someday.
- Caricatures and artist's impressions of the nude female form. To figure out what the student likes best in a woman's body, just glance at which part has been drawn to exaggerated and 'detailed' specification.
- Silly games like 'Flames' among many others in between notes of zoology, computer science, advanced robotics and world history all crammed in one book.

15. In case you feel mild tremors, the ground starts rattling beneath your feet, the rod you are clutching starts vibrating and you're doing the tap dance with your teeth, just note that the driver has finally pushed the bus to a record breaking speed of 50 kmph. Don't fret though, as driver knows best. The worst that has happened while I was there was the rod falling off and in another incident, the axle connecting the wheels underneath the bus giving way. Just play safe and feign a twisted ankle or broken foot to avoid stepping out in the hot sun to aid the other men pushing the bus. In fact, in this time you could easily steal someone's seat.

16. The attitude of the driver, the age of the bus and it's running condition can all easily be estimated by just taking a good look at the bus. However, only by sitting lost somewhere in the back of the bus and smelling the acrid smoke billowing through the twisted exhaust pipe alongside the bus can you predict whether the bus has passed the 1975 emission tests or not.

17. If the person sitting next to you wishes to drift off (which is near impossible) and pretty soon plants his face on your shoulder, just jerk that shoulder all of a sudden even if it means breaking his jaw bone. You could always blame it on the bumpy ride or maniacal bus driver. In case you believe this is way too harsh, please feel free to sing him a lullaby and roam around for the rest of the day unmindful of that dried up drool stain on your shirt. You'd rather request him to bring a pillow the next time he chooses public transport.

Just make sure overall, that your bus journey doesn't seem anything like;

THIS

I have so much more information to delve out to you just to make sure your travel in Chennai is but a little more fun. But alas, I think I've run short of space...

So, that pretty much summarizes the interesting travel tips you should take into consideration when you choose to travel by a public bus in Chennai... Or NOT TO!

You'd rather just walk...
Or take an auto...

And please do drop by some other time to read through my 'Guide to travelling by autos in Chennai and why you should rather walk the distance...'

:D

Cheers!!

The picture was taken by me (Thank you very much.. :P)...
While a couple of my friends were sharing a special bonding session whereupon I chanced upon an opportunity to maybe bribe them later for rights to owning the photo..
But now thats its online, Nobody is really gonna bother... :P

Moreover, something about the picture just sparked this poet in me to jot down some lines (:D)...

& DO NOT ask me bout the two of them... Coz I have absolutely no freakin idea what's going on between them.. ;)
So, I ask you not to base an opinion after reading the poem.. The poem is purely inspired just by the photograph...

Untitled Poem:

Tiny waves broke upon the shore,
Guided by the restless wind,
That brought along tales of lore,
Secrets of so many, sinned...

They sat together, yet alone,
Listening to the sounds abound,
As still as turned to stone,
Trying to look into the far beyond...

Two hearts furrowed with worry,
Their inner battles waged forever,
The moment eluded this fury,
As the overbearing peace took over...

He envied the breeze,
That chose to caress her cheek,
Brush past her hair,
Oh! Hair that was so sleek...

He wanted to hold her,
Ever so gently touch her,
Profess his undying love for her,
All that he could offer...

She cared not, was forlorn,
At heart she was furious,
Because she cruised alone,
Unguided... And curious...

She envied the birds that brushed past,
Battling the breeze to newer lands,
An ephemeral solution at last,
To pry open her tight fisted hands...

Their breaths beat a constant rhythm,
In sync with the babbling river,
The wind sang a strange sad hymn,
The ensemble resplendant, like a choir...

He wanted desperately to tell her,
But she cared none the less,
They looked beyond each other,
Back at the vast horizon, endless...

- Arvind (04/08/2006)

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Short Story.... Part - III

If you haven't read the other parts, don't be stupid and read this first & challenge my pitiful writing style.. :P

Scroll down and read the other two parts if you already haven't...


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We met at one more of those innumerous Coffee Day's scattered strategically all around the city. And there was plain pandemonium with everyone talking at the same time...

Tanya was silent throughout though...
She didn't look one bit English and she barely spoke with a British accent... In fact, she hardly spoke at all. I tried to include the poor thing in our conversations but frankly it looked like nobody other than me really cared. Pretty soon, I'd forgotten bout the 'firangi' too as we caught up with good ol' times...

Limp arrived fashionably late (as he called it)...
Like it makes a difference when you're meeting friends!

He made his way over, seated himself comfortably on the ample cushioning provided, took his own sweet time to light up his fag & said,

"Man! I could hear you guys all the way from the road. Keep it down..."
"And who might this lovely lady be?" As he leaned over and offered his hand.

And I blinked... Twice...

Collective gasps from all us guys as Tanya slowly extended her hand and shook his gingerly as Virgin made the introductions.

And we all broke into peals of laughter even before Limp finished his exaggerated 'Whaaatt?!!'

'Limp' was gay!

Or atleast that's what we'd all thought till we graduated from the same university a few years back...
And the morning after a very drunken graduation party shocked us all.
Limp got laid... Way before any of us. And hence, he'd earned this new respect from everyone. I don't think anybody had ever thought him gay after that...

But apart from that one night, Limp had pretty much no reputation at all among women. In fact, he rarely spoke to them. Nor did he ever join us on comments about the nicest ass we'd ever seen, etc...

And yet here he sat, chatting amiably with Tanya like they'd known each other for eons.

I hadn't even wiped that smirk of my face watching the two when I heard Virgin bellow out loud...
"Hey guys! Check out that incredible bod on that chick in the red dress!"

And right on cue, not one... Not two... Atleast 50 heads turned one direction to scout for the crimcon clad beauty. And at this very moment, the very annoying theme of the 'Lady In Red' chose to run through my head...

And true to his description, she was stunning...
And blushing...
And obviously embarrassed...
And I felt this sudden urge to clout him hard on the head.

I probably would have if I hadn't noticed a familiar face hidden partially from view... However, that tiny little glimpse was enough to get my blood boiling... And I devotedly focussed all my attention to ripping the tissue paper in front of me to shreds just as BB announced...
"Hey... That's 'J' over there. Isn't it? I'm not sure..."

I looked up again... It was definitely her. But she'd done something with her hair...
And her face...
And her... Chest??

I suddenly became aware that I was standing halfway up from the chair now and everyone at our table was following suit... But I didn't really care.

My first thoughts were 'What the f**k was she thinking!?', which almost instantly changed to 'My God! She looks grotesque!'
I was pretty sure the same thought was running through everybody's mind...

Everybody... Except Virgin who not even for a second take his eyes off her new assets.
I silently chuckled to myself wondering whether I should let him know the authenticity of that enormous cleavage...
And I decided against it. I didn't like Virgin too much. I possibly couldn't care much about that dumb bitch either...

I went back to sipping my espresso even as Virgin walked over to their table and introduced himself in the faint hope she'd remember him.

But I knew her by now.
Her approach was tactful. She'd pretend like she hadn't the slightest idea who the person might be and all of a sudden she'd act like a wave of memory just washed by her... This late reaction spurns joy from the other person... Come on! Everybody loves to be remembered...

Normally, two things happen after this;

1... She'd get up, hug the person and kiss the vacant air brushing past each cheek.
2... She'd flash a very large fake smile. (Which I couldn't stand the sight of, by the way.)

True to memory, she still followed the same routine. Virgin only grew ecstatic as he joined their table for a brief moment...

It had been almost 20 whole minutes when Virgin got back to our table...
While Limp was still exchanging coy, flirtatious words with Tanya who was responding pretty well...
And BB sat talking business on the phone...
And I sat there playing some silly game on my mobile. I got stuck on that same bloody level every single time!!

"I got her number!!"
Virgin sounded like Santa Claus on Prozac... Memory still fails me as to how euphoric a person could get.

We left shortly after that...
I had to drop Limp off at work and we exchanged a few words on the way...

"Tanya is hot isn't she?"
"Yeah... She's pretty no doubt! Okay, I guess"
"Just okay? That's not what I saw back there all this while..."
"Alright! So, we were talking..."
"And ?"
"And Nothing!"
"Hmmm... If you say so."

We drove in silence till we got to the commercial tower where he worked...
"You know dude... You can always tell me."

He put one foot out the door and told me,
"Alright... So, I think I might just like her."

And I smiled to myself as I made my way home...

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"Hey dude! We're all going for this party tonight! You HAVE to come... The organisers are flying in DJs from London man... I've heard them... They ROCK!"

Hearing Virgin's voice first thing in the morning told me it wasn't going to be a good day at all... I loathed him!

"And don't worry about the entry man. I've got it all covered. I've got these passes from J."
Okay... So now, I just loathed him from that endless abyss in my stomach...

"I don't know if I can make it dude... I'll tell you later today."
And I hung up...

I made my mind up that very instant... I wasn't going to go.
I'd prefer grabbing a beer on the way back home from work and watch a movie rather than dance to the tunes of 'DJ's from London' along with Virgin...
And J...
And BB...
Limp was the only one I could decently tolerate. At times, I even envied him for being able to get along with both BB and Virgin so well.

I called Virgin up later and told him about this really important board meeting I had to attend, the outcome of which my future depends upon.
"Chill... It's alright... I'll have a couple of beers for you..."

I didn't have an ounce of work that day...
And I just drove almost everybody insane asking them if they needed a hand at anything...
I paced up and down my cabin far more times than I'd like to keep count...
I drank water like a horse would...

The clock struck 12 and I was still at office in feverish restlessness. The climate control seemed to make absolutely no difference to the beads of sweat that'd form on my forehead every 5 minutes...

I heard a faint beep as I stepped in and out of my office for the 'n'th time that night...
It was a message...

"**New Message - Virgin**" - flashed on my mobile screen...

"Guys... I know how you've always been there to back me up although you've taken my trip countless number of times. I know how good our friendship has been through these years although we faced rough tides, we kept going... Tonight, I ask none of you to come in the way of what I just did. Nobody is to back me up or try to get me out of trouble, for what I did, I chose to do..."

'"**New Message - Virgin**" - flashed yet another time on the screen...

"I've killed J tonight... Cold blooded murder. I slaughtered her in bed while we made love... You probably wonder why. I'll tell you why. She betrayed my family once upon a time... She married my brother five years back. She sucked the life out of him and my parents... She embezzled all our bank accounts while my brother took his life three years back coz of this she-devil. I just wanted to let you all know, I'm probably not justified for what I've done and I don't wish to suffer punishment for what I did... Hence, this message wishing you all a good future while I say goodbye... & Hey! Atleast I won't die a virgin... :)"

I exhaled... And wiped the fresh beads of sweat off my forehead...
I switched my mobile off...
I went to the restroom and splashed some water on my face...
And I looked up at the mirror...

I was smiling... A devilish grin...
And I wanted to punch the guy looking at me through the mirror...

I made my way to the car...
I took the longest route back home possible...
I kept thinking back on all the good times we all shared... The times with the guys, the times with J, the times that were good while they lasted...
The times... When I was genuinely happy and needed no artificial additive to lighten my mood...

The speedo on the car rose steadily and rapidly...
I still remembered how everything had changed...
Virgin meeting me and asking me to stay away from J...
When he requested me to treat her like shit and whereupon I followed and beat her up mercilessly every single night...
When she had every right to walk away from me...
When we arranged everything right from J's meeting in the café to Virgin's casual introduction...

It was all planned...

.....
But this wasn't...

I hurtled at 150 kilometres per hour onto the oncoming bright lights and quietly whispered...
"I'm coming..."