What's new? - Check out my poems at my other blog

Friday, August 15

Walking away

Everything seems vaguely fluid, without a constant state of being. I feel connected to every single element that extends generously to grasp my palm, grip it tight, and reassure me that I am not exclusive, not abundant at the same time.

Its as if I've been staring into the light for enough time now that I can't see the darkness anymore. (I couldn't have seen darkness anyway)
But I'm not comfortable, because I feel at home in the dark, and the spotlight that is getting increasingly hot is trying to eradicate that thinly veiled layer of anonymity and falsehood I have sought shelter within.
Its not the placid, calm light that lights up a street or the living room. It is sharp, and sears my skin.

Well, its not going to accomplish much, for I have already had many a hole burned right through me. It feels like a torn brittle white transparent piece of paper being held up by tiny invisible strands of dried up glue and an unspoken agreement with the listless wind.

Yet, I remain nonchalant and come to terms with the fact that I've been holed up
in.. a.. hole..
And I don't want to climb out, not because I'm afraid, but because I don't like what's on the outside.

I want to reach out and communicate with nostalgia, give him a great big handshake and never speak to him again.
For there have been no glory days of the past.
Just days - Long, tiresome, never-ending days filled with false hope and lies.
Is 'lies' too strong a word? Maybe.
But since I have already said it, there is no point reiterating the fact that I don't care.

I have tried to walk along the path of time, but I keep moving in circles, concentric circles with no ambition or grip on reality. Life has begun to take its own course, unguided and furious.
As uncontrollable as it already is, life is also like a bunch of grapes.

Grapes are fun fruit. You could spit seeds at other people, simply throw them about, or just squish them between your toes.
I like to toss them as high up in the air as possible and attempt to catch them in my mouth. Of course, they always end up hitting me in the eye.

"Why do you repeatedly hit my eye, oh grape?"
"If you'd stop looking right at me with intense concentration, I might do otherwise."

Yes, life is a bunch of grapes. It's all about having some fun, but once you begin to focus really hard, you get knocked off your feet. And you are laid down in a state of paralyzing dismay for the rest of your life, or until you get over it.

Or you could simply choose to walk away...


Anonymous me said...

I would have been awed greatly even to the point unadulterated adoration for the write but I am at the moment incapable of thought or feeling, I am in the grape that hit the eye mode and is left on the pavement. Who knows if it will sprout and grow into a tree, as long as it is rootles I really don;t mind.

Yes I wrote a lot balderdash but then I not capable of logic now..not like I ever was or will be or has been. You get the picture.

Sat Aug 16, 12:28:00 AM  
Anonymous supriya said...

read this post almost twice...you havent really mentioned why you hate being away from the darkness..or why you particularly like being in it.

Tue Aug 19, 12:43:00 AM  
Anonymous Debashree said...

wow...that was profound. i feel you are all geared now to sink deeper into this abysmal (or should i say wholesome?) state of being. good luck with the escapism!

Was a good read :)

Wed Aug 20, 10:30:00 PM  
Blogger Rambling Man said...

Hey man, good post dude.. I always knew u were a little weird.. Good work on bringing it out!!! :) This post reminds me of a charecter, Harvey Pekar I saw on a movie called 'American Splendor'.. Its about a comic of the same name that this guy publishes about his own life.. He's morbidly depressed and he likes it :) lol ......

Check out his interview here with David Letterman:

Nice work though dude :)

Thu Aug 21, 05:53:00 PM  
Blogger Da Rodent said...

were you doped when puttin this down?

Tue Aug 26, 02:42:00 PM  
Blogger Divya said...

Interesting..for a guy who likes to pretend being superficial. Wait, you just may be superficial.
Damn! I still can't figure out when you lie or spit out half-baked truth
I liked the grape take on life. Wasn't too sour.

Sat Sep 06, 10:02:00 AM  
Blogger Advitiya said...

You have been tagged..
he he he he
evil maniacal laughter

Wed Sep 24, 01:33:00 PM  
Blogger R said...

Simply brilliant. I loved the grape metaphor, the ending captures what i am feeling right now. :D

Wed Oct 01, 04:07:00 PM  
Anonymous Supriya said...

arvind..why do you publicize your blog even when you haven't updated it?
It will drive your audience away. Over branding.

Tue Oct 07, 10:53:00 AM  
Blogger Macadamia The Nut said...

*Big hug!!!*

You surprise me time and again...

Thu Oct 30, 09:36:00 AM  

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