It's a love hate thing

“You’re boring, empty and never really have more than one thing to say at any given point of time.”

“I spend every day trying to fulfill my life. I shouldn’t have to fulfill yours too.”

“Yes, but you spend every waking minute with me. And your way of life makes me want to end it. I feel the need to clasp my full palms around your supple neck and snap it.”

“The only thing I would take away from that is the fact that you love me to bits. And pieces?”

“It would really help if you were unfunny at this particular point of time, but I can’t help the fact that I’m stuck with a loon who needs to gratify himself by making an absolutely witless statement every passing minute.”

“Your drawling voice, combined with a straight, emotionless face and a monotone make you seem like a drooling 80 year old woman on sleep medication whose children have long left his side. Metaphorically speaking.”

“True. True. And don’t forget the fact that I’m a talentless leech.”

“Certain things are better left unsaid. But yes, you are as talentless as a headless chicken with the bid flu.”

“I will have you know, I have talent. I have the innate ability to make people rue the day they were born. I cannot get through a day without satisfying the half-empty sadist in me. I’m human, I need to be satiated.”

“So what you’re trying to say is that you like insulting people so much that if you don’t find anybody by your side, you would much rather insult yourself?”

“Yes, that is exactly what I’m saying.”

“Good, then I guess we finally have something in common. Let’s make out, unless your bony lips have given away under the impact of you actually making a contribution to this hapless conversation.”

“Yes, and I’m about as turned on as a switch right now.”