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Tuesday, June 26

T Wheeee!

In a land where television viewing is controlled strictly, mixed feelings of anger and envy are bound to be evoked. And so it happened.
While the diplomatic government decided to play a cat & mouse game just to make the lives of all the people in one state miserable, nobody realised what was to come out of this.

If one tried driving in the streets of Chennai, he would gain first hand experience at how emotionally charged the people are. Well, frayed nerves and the break of gathering tension teethering on the edge of anarchy is inescapable in a country like India, but Chennai just takes it a step further. Symbolism comes into play when, for instance, if a careless motorist cuts across someone else's path, the reaction triggered is as if the person had directly insulted his family. And as ironically as this goes, although people are just waiting all day long to bark at other people and get agitated at the blink of an eye, they stand in line with smiling faces and do nothing as the government trods upon and squeezes all the joy out of them.

Messages like "For the benefit of the people" seem a farce and they don't need a rude awakening to, because it is as evident as it can get. It is shameful that, while everyone could sit at home and complain all day long among other people who share similar views, not a voice is raised, not a complaint is sent forth and it is as if nobody actually cares, while on the contrary, they would all find it excruciatingly bothersome.

Coming back to the topic at hand, TV regulation has finally worked out, or so they say. Maybe they decided to use the people in Chennai as guinea pigs because they probably knew there wouldn't be an uprising or a revolt. Silent protests make no difference, as history has shown. So ipso facto, the 'highly classified experiment' has turned out to be a huge success, only at the expense of so many underprivileged people with no say or choice in the matter.

But then again, why should the government care about how the people feel?...
(That's exactly what I'm saying!.. Eh? Say what?)

I believe the terms 'TV junkie' or 'couch potato' are non-existant nowadays, because there are so many channels and so many shows playing at the same time that it is near impossible to watch more than one thing at a time. And when the confused fan tries to watch 2 shows in one go, he is left with a TV watching experience which is just a bit more entertaining than watching an ant farm. I am confident that pretty soon 'channel surfing' will be included in the long list of ridiculous 'extreme' sports. (Maybe it already is?)

In a language which is seemingly much more simple, quality shows that appear on prime time are nothing but junk! (Prime time is when families gather around their TVs with their dinner plates balancing cleverly on their stomachs)

We are never spared these days.

* The World's Most Amazing Police Videos/The World's Most Amazing Police Chases/The World's Best Police Videos/ The World's Amazing Police Chases
They all have different but similar names (oh-so-creative), but they all have something in common. They suck!
All the shows hire the same commentator who I believe also wrote the dialogue for the crappy "4th of July" speech on 'Independence Day'. Police chases are ill vented humour that the commentator sensationalizes to an extent that just borders on beyond belief.
"Oh My God! He's got a gun! He has kids in the car! They're screaming to him, please don't shoot us daddy, please stop the car daddy!"

* We aren't even spared by the news channels nowadays. Among the horde of Indian news channels that seem to love talking about something trivial like the muck in Aishwarya Rai's fingernails, there is no Indian news channel that decides to tell us something else happening around the world.
Sure! Sunita Williams is scheduled to land in 2 days, so don't go raving and ranting about it for endless hours. For a woman who was born and brought up entirely in the US, we sure have a lot of spunk to celebrate her return and claim it a feat for India. And of course, prayers for Sunita? What about the other people on board?
Times like these, when news channels wander about trying to find distant relatives of Sunita once removed, anywhere on the subcontinent, makes me wonder if there is anything at all happening in the country.
"And we have with us, a little girl whose cousin studied in the same school as Sunita in the US."
"And in other news, 15 people were killed in a bomb blast in Kashmir, but let's get back to the issue at hand... So, Mr. "I work in NASA as the janitor", please tell us, what food is Sunita going to eat when she comes back?"

* Reality TV shows are a simple recipe for disaster. The risk involved in producing a reality show is evident. People either love it or they don't. There is no scope for; "Hmmm... I guess it's alright, but it's not that bad." And inspite of this, facts still elude me as to how 'American Idol' and 'The Apprentice' became popular at all. If there should ever be a reality show, it should be to discover the best pole dancer.

* We are the government and we are terribly ashamed of channels that deface our cultural values and show women parading in mini skirts without any shame and wearing other hideous apparel that showcases their limbs all in the name of this blasphemous facade called 'fashion'. Hence, as mature individuals, we decided to ban fashion TV from telecasting in India for some time, you know, just to punish them and teach them a lesson.

And I sit here thinking, how does Ftv even give a damn about whether an old perverted man watches their channel all day long just to catch a glimpse of a breast? And then I realise that it is only when the old perverted men succeed in catching that glimpse, do they complain to the government about their quality TV watching experience being ruined.
We are the world's biggest hypocrites! We will also go one step further and call other people hypocrites, but we will never accept the fact that we are among them! See what I mean?

And of course, AXN dared to telecast the world's most sexiest commercials. How dare they! We are the government and we are all pervasive and domineering, so off you go! You're banned for a month! I better not catch you sneaking around here...
I happened to witness an hour long show about bikini models on Zee Cafe a week back and I was deeply saddended about the impending doom that the channel was about to face... Tsk.. Tsk..


He didn't care to look left or right as he deftly flicked the bicycle handle to the right and he swiftly careened across the road.
He didn't see the auto that was taking a U-Turn without bothering to look if there was anyone behind him.
It might not have been funny if someone had been terribly injured, but nobody was, so out came the guffaws. And what ensued was a captivating battle, first with threatening gestures, then with words and then with fists.
(I miss the old batman series. Actually I don't... Robin was totally gay for Batman in that)

They knew they were both wrong,
They also knew the other person was wrong.
But they had to clear their name,
They fought to escape the blame,
Okay, I never intended this to be a song.

Anyway, watching that, I realised how fortunate I was to be there and witness those blokes fight it out for something stupid which they would've both realised later that day and curse themselves for the unnecessary hospital charges...

And when we have such quality entertainment at the drop of a hat, who the heck needs a TV???


Blogger tyrant_tot said...

Cynical take...but true. All indians are road hogs and jaywalkers. Don't know about the hypocrisy though. When i think of Indian politicians I always think of rats skulking in dark corners of a room. They are such blatant hypocrites, don't know why they bother with their propaganda. They are supposed to be our representatives... grudgingly I have to admit that they probably are. Humanity sucks!...guess I'm a cynic too :P

Wed Jun 27, 12:33:00 AM  
Blogger Da Rodent said...

LOL.. agree totally with the sunita william nonsense. :P

Wed Jun 27, 05:10:00 PM  
Blogger Mrinal said...

You're quite a satirist I must say!

Sun Jul 01, 01:08:00 AM  
Blogger Parvathi said...

you watch bikini destinations? sick

Sat Jul 07, 02:51:00 PM  
Blogger Da Rodent said...

guess what., I dont remember being sober in the past 6 days :P

Sun Jul 08, 11:45:00 PM  
Blogger -gautham- said...


Sun Oct 07, 01:38:00 AM  

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