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Monday, September 25

I wish I were mad....

Apparently, he'd moved to my street just a couple of days back... I had no clue, but I was strangely mesmerized and also creeped out to an extent...
I stopped on my way to the football ground to watch...

He lay on the sidewalk with his rustic, dirty, colourless large plastic bag with something bulky inside and he looked at the sky and laughed...

And then, he laughed some more...

A couple of passers-by called him mad in a voice that was louder than necessary and I cringed...

Was he really mad?
Or are we all?
To him, all of us would seem loony because he was just different. And like minded people would be able to relate to him...

So who was really mad?
Memories of Paulo Coelho's "Veronika Decides To Die" lashed my numb mind repeatedly...

He looked at least 60 years old if not older & he badly needed a shave, a bath & his teeth were probably a few years too late for an appointment with the dentist. But I don't think he actually cared...
Cared not about how many people had spit on the sidewalk where he lay...
Cared not about where he would seek shelter as the day drew to an end...
Cared not about who was standing, staring at him as if he were a specimen at a lab...

And to think of the number of people who would suffer a nervous breakdown if they were denied the luxury of being able to cut their toenails regularly...


The Pity
:

I don't know who he was...
No one knew who he was...
And I'll bet nobody was willing to ask him who he was in fear that he may not know it himself...
And the prospect of not having an identity scared me. As materialistic as I could get at that point of time, I wondered how I'd be able to survive without an identity.

No credit card...
No vehicle...
No bank balance...
And the end of life as I knew it...

I still couldn't grasp the intensity of the concept. For example; He could be well smarter than anyone I know but nobody would be able to find that out but himself... And unfortunately he wouldn't be able to do that himself...
Incapability of self-discovery is no man's land...
A deserted place nobody would want to tread upon...

And very selfishly, I prayed that I never lose my mind...
And lie on dirty sidewalks one day staring at empty space and laughing...
And having people who think they're better than me laugh and smirk loudly...
And not caring about whether that dog across the road would chew on my foot if I dare slept a little...
And not pausing to think about the future...
I honestly did not want to be him...

Or did I?


The Envy
:

His only belonging seemed to be that ragged plastic bag which he jealously clutched to himself...
I couldn't say I'd be happy to give up all my worldly belongings & live the life of an ascetic with bare minimums to survive... I wouldn't survive for an hour...
But everyone has this tiny fantasy about having to worry about nothing...

About what to have for breakfast the next morning...
Or whether he/she would call anytime soon...
Or where I'd be spending the night...
Or if it's going to rain anytime soon...
Or generally about what's happening in the world...

He was lost in his own precious time capsule.
I can't predict what he assumed of other people....
Maybe he thought people were all dead...
Maybe he thought we were all vegetables simmering in a soup...
I guess he would be able to converse better with an illiterate dog than another human being.

But I still envied him... For;
Not having a family, nor friends... A solitary life without a limit on time to do anything...
No responsibilities in life... No objective to accomplish...
Do whatever he wanted such as 'lying on the sidewalk and admiring the blue sky'...


And as I type this out, I feel incredibly guilty about having made up an entire synopsis of a man's life I have no clue about...
Not even to the extent whether he's happy or sad being himself...


************************************************************************************
The clouds were pregnant for a few days...
The gallons of water mysteriously held up somewhere in the sky all came crashing down last night...


I hope he had moved to some place safe & warm & dry...

13 Comments:

Anonymous mehnaz said...

the best post you hve written...and i am not for once going to leave dry sarcastic remarks...because your concept hit home...and for some reason i belong in the envious category...
to laugh at the sky and not care....

Mon Sep 25, 10:41:00 PM  
Blogger Da Rodent said...

Not a care in the world is a state of mind to envy :-S Hmm., but i guess he'll have his own problems. No man is without problems. Everybody has problems in their own levels.

Tue Sep 26, 07:43:00 AM  
Blogger Anki said...

ahh....detachment as a passion...i live to achieve that state of bliss

Wed Sep 27, 12:16:00 AM  
Blogger manasa said...

awww ...i guess all of us r too like tht ..knowing very well hes njoying both sides of the option life offers us
neway awesum work dere

Wed Sep 27, 11:07:00 PM  
Blogger rini said...

whoa..thats the best i've seen so far. i wrote a poem abt the sane n insane a while back must be sumwhere on my blog..anyway good writing. loved the lines
"But everyone has this tiny fantasy about having to worry about nothing" and "I honestly did not want to be him...Or did I?" ..captures ur idea very well. crisp writing.

Thu Sep 28, 06:16:00 PM  
Anonymous Rama said...

i saw that guy too.... hmmm... i guess i'll end up like tht..!!!

Thu Sep 28, 10:20:00 PM  
Anonymous sup. said...

i wouldn't envy him..i guess an empty mind makes me depressive..but yea i think he's lucky to not worry at all...his state is kinda unimaginable and u cant really put yourself in his place...simply cuz even he doesn't know what he really is thinking about!

Fri Sep 29, 12:49:00 PM  
Blogger Sowmiya said...

Impressive writing!! although I do not have any thoughts about the subject and his state of mind. The only thing in my mind right now is an essay due VERY SOON!!

Keep up the great writing....

Fri Sep 29, 07:28:00 PM  
Blogger farustar said...

ppl on the sidewalk are interestin...lil things abt them make you wonder...abt yourself...abt them...abt general psychology...abt lyf...hmm...i hope he's safe n dry too...

Sun Oct 01, 11:40:00 AM  
Blogger Parvathi said...

*claps her hands* good job

Sun Oct 01, 03:13:00 PM  
Blogger Neha said...

your posts always make me think...how many times do we see such people... and dont even bother to give them a second look let alone a passing thought... how would life be for someone like this? can we even imagine... how would they think...life is so strange, sometimes you feel like you have everything.. and then you feel you dont hv anything that you want..

Mon Oct 09, 12:21:00 AM  
Blogger farustar said...

update

Thu Oct 19, 09:11:00 PM  
Blogger manasa said...

update !...sigh is this mah job or somethin ? i go round updating everyone !

Fri Oct 20, 10:49:00 AM  

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